Christmas Conversation
by Lilly Tagloft
Summary: Trevor is once again up to his antics of trying to woo Raven. An all-dialogue fic for the holiday season. A companion piece to Casual Conversation. Oneshot. 30th story!


**Christmas Conversation**

_An all-dialogue fic that is just in time for the holidays. My Christmas gift to the Traven shippers :) A sequel-type thing to Casual Conversation._

* * *

><p>"Hey Monster Girl, Merry Christmas!"<p>

"Uhm... thanks Trevor?"

"Don't thank me till you open my gift."

"If it's anything like freshmen year when you dropped your pants for Heather in the janitor's closet I might have to punch you."

"That was a gift of a lifetime, you're just jealous."

"Not at all."

"Uh huh, just take the gift will ya?"

"There's only a slip of paper in here."

"Duh, I know it's in there. Read it."

"... What makes you think I would _ever_ cash in an IOU for a 'magical' ride in your sleigh bed?"

"It only comes once a year and trust me, it's put to _very_ good use."

"Then why don't you give it to someone like Jennifer? We all know you've shared more than test answers... and I'm not talking about the math kind."

"Don't bring up the Chlamydia scare!"

"It's not my fault that you couldn't satisfy her and she went off on a midnight rendevouz with a football player."

"Oh, she was very satisfied. Trust me. She was screaming the whole time I was with her."

"Probably from terror. I would be horrified too if your hands were on me."

"You wanna bet?"

"I don't bet. I don't put faith in things that I'm not completely sure will go my way."

"Even when it comes to me?"

"Especially you."

"I don't see why not. I always follow through, that's how much of a beast I am."

"Well, I'm no Beauty so go off and annoy someone else for a change."

"For someone who has lots of confidence you don't seem to have a lot in your appearance."

"I have plenty, but I'm not exactly the mold of pretty in this town."

"What? That's insane! You're definitely, by far, the hottest girl here."

"Escuse me?"

"Uhm, nothing. I said nothing."

"What, you can't get Matt so you come after me?"

"I'm not gay for Matt!"

"I'm sure the dildo in your room says otherwise."

"That is purely for women's satisfaction only!"

"... I was just kidding, but now that I know you have one..."

"Raven, I'm not gay. I like girls."

"Uh huh, right. If you ever wanted to mix it up I have this candy cane vibator at home-"

"I don't use it on myself!"

"-I call it my big helper."

...

"I'm sure it'd be a nice change - a lot more relaxing for your muscles."

"... I swear to God Raven, I'm not gay."

"Of course you'd swear to God, you're the one who has sex in his holy basement."

"I don't do it at church, I have limits."

"Right, and fucking girls with STDs isn't one of them?"

"It was curable! I've already been treated!"

"... You mean, you actually had it?"

"Don't grimace like that, I don't have it anymore."

"Ugh, gross. I can practically smell the Chlamydia on your breath."

"I didn't go down on her... Why are you running away? Don't be stupid."

...

"I'm a soccer player, I can out run you!"

"Get away Crab Face!"

"It was Chlamydia and it's gone now!"

"Stop chasing me Snob!"

"Not until you take it back!"

"Ahhh! Get the fuck off of me!"

"Quit yelling and take it back!"

"Never!"

"Take it back... Say that I'm not gay."

"I can't say something I don't believe. That's lying. Lying is bad."

"You're ethics are worse than mine. I'm calling bullshit."

"Don't call my bullshit! And while you're on the topic, get off of me!"

"Say it."

"No."

"Say it... out loud."

"... Vampire!"

"You're unbelievablely lame."

"Says the guy who wanted candy cane stripper poles installed in the cafeteria."

"That was a joke... for the most part."

"Right, now if you would..."

"Not until you say it."

"It."

"Smart ass."

"You would know since your hand is all over it."

"Hey, if you would just admit that I'm not gay I would gladly remove myself from your lady parts."

"Glady remove yourself? You're right, you're so not gay."

...

"Fine, you're not gay."

"I didn't hear what you mumbled."

"You're not gay."

"I'm sorry - come again."

"YOU'RE NOT GAY! Jesus Christ, get off of me."

"Much better."

"Goddamn, I think your fat left an imprint on my skin."

"If by fat you mean incredulously sexy pectorals and abdominals then I would have to agree."

"No, I'm pretty sure I meant fat."

"In denial as always, you know you liked me on top of you."

"Not as much as you think."

"... So you did like it, at least a little."

"Erm, no?"

"Ha, you SO did."

"So what? Is this the first time you've actually been attracted to a girl, Gaylord?"

"Maybe... A girl who was fairly interesting anyways."

"The bleach is getting to your head."

"Why can't you just accept that I'm attracted to you Raven and no one else?"

"Because pigs haven't flown yet."

"I've gone to Aspen by plane a couple of times, according to you I'm a pig. Isn't that proof enough?"

"Nope."

"You're so frustrating."

"You sound like my parents. I'm not looking to have sex with someone who acts like my dad."

"You're looking to have sex though?"

"... You're twisting my words Snob."

"And you're twisting my heart... Give me a chance here."

"Not if you keep using stupid lines."

"But, I think I'm falling for you-"

"Don't say it."

"-You were the one I tripped over."

"That's because I was trying to get away from you!"

"Tomato-Tomahto."

"Trevor-Crab Face. I can make analogies too."

...

"Fuck Trevor! Don't transfer your Crabs to me!"

"You know you like my lip action."

"God, I can taste it on my tongue."

"Have fun explaining that to your doctor."

"I don't have a doctor."

"In that case, I'll be your doctor - you can call me Dr. Love."

"Please stop."

"That's not what you'll be saying later tonight."

"I think I'm going to throw up."

"You could be saying that in a few months."

"Are you suggesting you're going to impregnate me?"

"It is a side effect of sex."

"Luckily, we're not going to have sex."

"So you say now."

"So I'll say for forever."

"One of these days you'll admit you want me too Raven."

"Call me next time you're on a flight to Aspen and I'll reconsider it."

"Consider it and yourself done."


End file.
